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Posts Tagged ‘Oneness’

Today I wanted to take the time out to articulate part of our journey, and how I use name medicine to guide us. What is in a name? We have our born day names. My name is Nichole, meaning Victorious Heart. My heart eye leads me. It’s as if the name is all the chakras unified in the heart. A name is medicine, and it is a journey towards oneself.

We have a family name medicine. The Wolf Pack. Loyal, leaders, tightly knit, respectful of each other’s roles. Enduring, patient, loving, playful. Family medicine.

Our homeschool name is Eagle Tree. I developed the name as my children began guiding me towards schooling at home, the place of liberation and free learning. I have spent time with many Elders. My own grandparents were a fixture in my young life, and as I grew, more Elders appeared. I was ready. One great teaching I learned is the teaching of time and space, the teaching of the Long Vision, and the dance that is done on the journey.

A name is medicine, and I chose Eagle Tree. My boys are eaglets perched in our family tree. Not only are my husband and I the tree, the roots, the foundation and the Tenders of the family flame, we are the eagle parents as well. We are holding space for the Long Vision. The Spirit of the turtle taught me this wisdom. Slow and steady, no rush. It’s the archetype of Grandmother. And so I found Grandmother Nichole, across time and space and she has helped Nichole the Maiden step into the shoes of Nichole the Mother. And now Grandmother Nichole has helped me step once again through the portal of the eclipses. I am in a new place, within the Long Vision. Ironically, the turtle could give me this wisdom, because turtle lives within the eagle. Eagles pick turtles up off the ground carry them high up, drop them, crack them open and eat them. So the Spirit of the turtle lives within the Spirit of the Eagle. As do we All live within the Collective Conscious. We are One. And we always and forever have the ability to understand one another.

Over time, since the birth of Eagle Tree School, I have been helping my boys learn to Trust the Long, Keen Vision. The Greater Good of our journey. The place where there is No Rushing. Only Presence. It’s messy in reality, because that is the lower energy of the 3rd dimension (we really spend more time in the 5th), where we must live out our Vision. It’s the Higher Realm which is our guide, our council, and from where we “bring down” the energy and spiritualize matter.

Because we are and are not fully in control, sometimes things align differently than we hope. But that’s because our higher self can See clearer. Like the Eagle. We are more like mice some days. Our face, nose and eyes to the ground, living among the details. Those dreadful, distracting details. We must live between the worlds when we can to find a balance. Not always so close to the ground. Not always so high up above our real lives. But right in the middle, being the divine light body we truly are, directing our higher and lower consciousness.

Endurance is what our lower selves learn, and patience. We learn to dance the journey, and persevere. Our higher selves want to taste the sensory of this world. The dirt, the sex, the food, the love, the loneliness, the blood of natural pain, time even. There is so much to understand within the realm of Love. There is a Long Vision.

What is in a name? A great deal of medicine. A wonderful story. Wisdom.

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Maybe it is the moon outside of my bedroom window that’s keeping me awake. Maybe I had too much coffee earlier.  Maybe God had a message for me and needed me half asleep, half awake. Maybe I was inspired by reading links and posts scrolling endlessly on Facebook (it happens!)  But as I laid in bed tonight I felt a change come over me.

I could See myself Broken.  Darkness.  Wounded.  In many ways, over time I have received wounds from various experiences that left me sore, hurt, angry, resentful, sad, stronger, frightened, cynical, doubtful…God was working on me in these times.

I recently took a Facebook break, from May till now.  I felt Creator talking to me. Oneness was asking me to Listen.  Deep listen.  Part of that listening was Shifting. Purification.  Disconnecting – Reconnecting. Emptying. Emptying so much to the point of confusion.  Recently when I came out of my deep listening period I couldn’t figure out what I had gone through, or what I had learned. What had I been doing?  What was I listening for?  I mean surely after months of listening I had to have something profound to say or feel!  Nothing.  I couldn’t say.  I wasn’t sure, at all, because I am not really in control.  I am to a degree in control of my choices, but if I am open enough and vulnerable enough I knew that Creator was really in charge.

Then it happened.  I could See. The light of this very moon illuminated all of me. I was broken.  An empty vessel.  I laid there breathing deeply.  In the vision my body turned over and my arms were stretched wide, and my chest was So Open. My heart was So visible.  All the holes and cracks in my brokeness were there to be seen.  I have prayed to God in the past week or two more in Awareness than I ever have over the entire summer.  I begged God for help.  God was working on me in the deepest of ways.  Slowly Oneness opened itself up to me.  A beautiful gold liquid poured forth from above and began to fill me up.  All the cracks were filled with an essence so rich, so pure.  All the dark places in my life were illuminated so brightly that I could See my Wholeness!  God lives in me.  And God fills me up when I am empty, but then if I am vulnerable enough that essence pours out of me into the lives of those around me.  It is part of my Gifts.  My brokeness and the parts of me that are tender and gold.  I am repaired.  I am forgiven, and I forgive and that is my greatest gift to myself and others.

Can I honor myself.  Can I be vulnerable.  Can I be broken and whole at the same time.  Can I live this life with my chest wide open knowing that life breaks me, that love breaks me and fills me up.  The Oneness knows my strength better than me.  As I fell in love with my husband and as we added each child to our nest God knew.  God knew that love would tear me open and fill me up even more.

I have memories of my childhood.  I have children now.  So much time has passed and so much more will pass before I leave this earth.  I was given the Vision by a healer once that I lived to old age and I was surrounded and loved by many.  My children and grandchildren.  My husband.  Love had torn me open. Brokeness had torn me open.  But I was always filled back up by that pure liquid gold.  That essence that I cannot truly name.  The nameless.

This life is good.  It has been hard and riddled with confusion and doubts, lonliness…heartache so huge.  Loss.  I have had great teachers come my way in many forms.  Nature.  Elders.  Friends. My husband. Our children.  Oh, so so so much our children.  I am surrounded by teachers.  If I take deep breaths I am teachable most days.

You can take my word for it that right now our Maker, whatever form, has something to teach us.  I feel that in the next few days as the Super Moon approaches, it will light up parts of us that have been so dark for so long.  We can choose to look and embrace.  We can choose to see what diamonds have been made by that tightly held fist in the darkness.  The brightness is sometimes so painful that we turn our heads away, but I beg you to look and hold your gaze.

Be open, despite the brokeness, because we may just get filled up and See the Wholeness. The Integration.  I feel so whole right now in this moment, more so than anytime since I was born, a wee babe.  All along I was Whole though, I just couldn’t see it.  I looked for my wholeness in the reflection of other people’s faces and glances.  Mirrors.  My husband has known his Wholeness all along, despite his struggles throughout life.  I know it is why I love him So much.  I have always wished to balance myself and to be as humble as him.  But my game with myself and the world was protection.  Walls.  I went from a little girl to a straight Warrior.  One Who Stands In Her Power, but with walls.  So my life hasn’t always been open, full circle, reciprocal.  Maybe in some cases speaking my truth has been warranted.  Well, I am sure it has.  But it is okay to just Be too, because I am already Whole. I am already and always filled with gold, in all the cracks and brokeness.

No matter what Vision I have for myself, Oneness knows what I most need.  My Ego is actually my ally.  It guides me, as a Contrary.  As a human on this dense plane, earth, we actually need our Egos. Not the Ego of Ego=tistical-ness.  But the I.  I Am.  Being-ness.  Broken down I am nothing and everything.  I am alive and I am dying.  Cyclically.

Right now we are approaching Harvest.  Spiritually it is just as significant as the harvest of my garden.  I planned and dreamed last winter like any farmer would, farmer of the heart, like Rumi says.  In Spring I was planting seeds.  This summer I tended and deep listened. August has been such a time of preparation too. Preparing for harvest.  It is near. And some of us are already seeing the harvest come in.  I see pictures on Facebook of baskets filled up.  I am not even fully sure what all this means, my harvest.  I haven’t held the bounty in my hands long enough.  I haven’t had time to wash things off and taste it.  I’ll try to keep my door open to share with you though.  I’ll try.  It’s part of my promise to Trust, in my brokeness and in my healing and in my Wholeness.

Aho.

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