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Archive for the ‘Nature’ Category

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Winter review, 4th and 2nd grade math.

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Big brother brought in a piece of bark, with bird tracks in the snow.  Little Bear is blessed with big brothers and nature knowledge all around.

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Children are brilliant.  I must preface with that, because as a teacher and parent I receive most of my inspiration from two sources.  Children and nature.  Aside from mySelf, those are two direct links with the divine.  Right now is the planning and dreaming phase of the cycle.  I get a little conversational with our children right now about what is to come. They need the preparation.  They need the warm up to understanding and learning.  It’s a gentle lifting of the veil one might say.

In 5th grade, we are going to learn some ancient cultures and forms of spirituality, which in my macro view expands tolerance, consciousness, compassion, and brings greater understanding of what has happened, mistakes by humanity and all. These bits of character seed into the next generation that will be coming into maturity to steward the planet. What Will they do? How Will they be? What will they eventually leave here for posterity?

The form on the window is the symbol for the sacral chakra.  It’s my inspiration at the moment. After conversating with my 10 year old earlier this week, he walked over to the window and blew his hot breath, drawing the symbol for the throat chakra.  In that moment, I was reminded of my delicate blessed position. My job is big, and it spans time and space.  I am in gratitude, and deep down I know I better get up everyday and work hard.  This planning, this dreaming, this assisstance to help Awaken these beautiful souls is an honor.  This, this is part of my process.  My art.  Life is art and ceremony, and in all seriousness and humor we must dance and weave.

So this morning I will do the sacred dance, in our home, inside of myself, and in my notebooks.  I need to Be more than I need to Know.  Now is when that Knowing churns within me, a turbine of hoped for grace rising into manifestation. My heart is a filter.  My voice is a filter. They are tools. Last and most importantly, my hands.  My hands are my tools for Loving, Teaching and Giving. What Will I do?

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Winter.  Rounding out the year.  I have a moment to sit, still myself, and breathe the deepest breath of the year.  We can even loosen up a little bit.  The time I have had since Christmas has been busy, like most, but I am also taking the time to reorganize, dust, purge, and slowly open my eyes up to a new time for us next year.  But first I want to re-cap the past couple months as we finished entering our stories and teachings into our Main Lesson Books for Fourth and Second.

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We did a lot of nature scavenging, and I had dirty floors constantly.  Such is life, and the season in which I am in.

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Here’s our collection of nature to send to our Nature Pal in California.  We dipped some nature in beeswax, painted a wood apple, made beeswax tea lights, and sent a little mouse finger puppet along.  We also had a bird seed gift wrapped as a pumpkin to give too.

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The light of day began to dim, and so we made our lanterns and walked with friends.

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Music filled our ears, as Little Fox, Second Grade, practiced and accomplished his semester recital.

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We warmed our hands with handwork.  Little Eagle, 4th grade, sewed mama a little needle book. This was a craft from September Happy Hedgehog.  I try to pace our handwork, so it stays enjoyable.

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Little Fox begged to make outfits for our Lantern Carriers.

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There was nothing more enjoyable than getting out into the woods with my family for a weekend. We visited Natural Bridge State Park and Red River Gorge, Geological Area.  My buzzword for the year was Connect, and there is no better place than nature.

We are currently alternating rest with work.  I have begun to tackle that urge to clear and clean, organize, and dream.  We are having an unusual late fall and early winter, with lots of rain and warm days.  I can’t help but appreciate how mild the season has been, which can be a help to us this year.  No snow yet.

Here comes 2016!!

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My husband spent some time yesterday hooking up the rabbit hutch.  It’s more like a nice condo. This picture is a little blurry, but you can see he put a window in so the rabbits can say hello to each other.  They are both in tact and we aren’t wanting to breed at the moment.

We will have to buy one more water bottle that heats through the winter, because the water will freeze here in KY.  The only thing left to do is board up the outside. Right now all the sides are off for summer breezes (using chicken wire).   All we do is screw wood over top of it and remove it depending on the season.  We make sure to bring the rabbits in the kitchen on super cold days and socialize with them, any day.  They hop around while we do school, which entertains the baby.

We just got our first big freeze yesterday.  Jack Frost is here to stay.

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Good day!

It’s Thursday, aka Thors Day.  Thursday always feels warrior-like to me, as if we must fight our way to Friday.  All my boys slept in, so for that I am happy.  It gave me some time being awake, in silence.  Since the sun has been waking up later, I can see how our sons are following nature. Imitating.  And because of our schedule, they are going to sleep earlier as well.

Fall has been an exciting harvest.  We are harvesting with our small family-owned business. Tomorrow night is the reception for our Functional Design show in Louisville.  Here’s a link for more details. http://www.la-fs.com

Today I must stay Present.  I must honor my way through what is Now.  The animals are all fed. Our new puppy is fitting in Quite nicely.  She’s a joy really.  Ayla the Elder seems roused a bit more from her boring and sad life, since Kiva passed.  Our French Angora (FA) doe is in her hutch, that is more like a condo.  She has the life.  One side is all straw bedding.  There are two water bottles. One has a heating element for winter.  We feed her hay, pellets, sunflower seeds, banana peels, lettuce, some other varieties of fruit.  Her color is gray with black ears.  Below is a picture of her the day after we got her, from a reputable FA farmer.

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She’s much longer now and the boys call her Guinevere “Gracie.”  As often as possible we take her up to the round pen to run and hop and get some fresh air.  This past year we have learned a lot about his particular breed of rabbit, known for its fiber.  We collect it as it falls out, but also we gently clip her at the beginning of summer.  It seems about every 90 days her fiber cycles out.  Even though she has plenty of straw bedding, and the hutch is closed in, I leave her fiber alone during the coldest months.  Here are a couple external links about the history of the French Angora Rabbit.

FA history 

Angora Wikipedia 

Today we are going to meet the same farmer and look over two bucks.  We do not have any bucks or males on the property, except in the human form.  It will be an interesting discovery having a FA buck here.  I only want to come away with one today, and I really prefer a doe.  The first time we bought a FA it was supposed to be a buck, but turns out it was a doe.  She is very gentle.  I hear if they don’t breed or aren’t fixed, they can be grouchy.  So far things have been fine.

I’ll post a picture of our new FA soon.

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Handwork on Planning Day (Saturday) was inspired by a really slow internet connection.  I was supposed to be watching and absorbing awesomeness from Robyn and Brian Wolfe on Waldorfish. I checked out the replay on Form Drawing and Temperaments, but because of my rural connection and the overcast rainy weather it took a REALLY long time to watch.  But, I was committed.  While I waited for my computer to load, like the olden days I picked up a project.  A couple weeks ago I had decided to pull together an Autumn Fairy.  Right away I felt I had made the head too small, and wasn’t happy with the colors.  I had to take a break and order more orange roving before moving forward.  Doing and being is done in layers over here, and time does not exist.  But here we are, October 2015.  I’m nostalgic about the past, I have good feelings about the future, and here I Am Now.  Working bit by bit.  Learning.  Grounding into the moment, so that we all don’t slip away with our thoughts.  We are holding down the Home this week as Papa Bear prepares for a Design Show next weekend. AND, our third born son turns 2!  Not only is it Harvest Season, but it is also the season of changing leaves and falling leaves.  What will we let fall away…

So, I followed the Happy Hedgehog post demonstrating the Spring fairy.  Fairy making is enjoyable. They don’t take overly long, and the result is a pleasing, unique energy.  If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask me here.

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Hi friends!

Life is busy!  Busier than we have ever experienced.  With our own small business and three boys time can fly if we don’t watch it.  I love living out in the country, with less distraction, because it gives me the opportunity to slow it all down and live life as quality as possible.  Slow living has gotten a little harder this year as we now have two older boys with one interest each.  Our oldest has resumed drama class, which will come with extra practices around the time of the play. Our middle guy plays violin going on 8 months.  To be a student of Ms. Amy, one has to attend group violin lessons and private individual lessons.  We are okay with this, because the group lessons are a lot of fun.  Group is only every other Monday, so that works for us.  Private lessons are weekly.  Drama is weekly. Thankfully, both of those lessons fall on the same day, so we visit my mother, nephew and niece in between drama and violin.  However, we do have to drive to two different cities to make this all happen.  It is what it is.  The people and teachers we need to see are where we have to drive.  It’s not always convenient.

As a new mother over 10 years ago we were living in Boone, NC.  I was very isolated, but kept another little boy similar to my son’s age.  Close to his first birthday we moved back to KY and found out we had our second son on the way. We were definitely isolated after the birth of Little Fox.  Country living was our choice.  I didn’t know tons of people, even though Central KY was my hometown area.  Everybody had moved, changed, had their own kids and such.  Eventually, I found out about homeschooling.  I had NEVER heard of homeschooling before then.  I am convinced my Little Fox brought with him the spiritual energy I NEEDED to figure that path was going to be ours. I did tons of research.  TOO MUCH.  I fell down a few rabbit holes with my eagerness to learn. Eventually, I got out of my head and came into my body.  I became Present.  Then, I found Waldorf. My path was aligning with my higher purpose.  I did spend time growing and learning through becoming a doula, then a death midwife for a bit and into a spiritual midwife.  As time went on though I kept purification at the forefront of living.  Purifying our space, our home, purifying my thoughts and intentions. Everything Always came back to me being a mama.  A teacher.  Our children’s first teacher.

I had a lot of doubts.  Especially when the boys became school aged, around 5. Somehow I held us. I held the space.  It felt more right and more like our path of peace to stay home with them, than it did to send them off.  I didn’t know how hard it was going to be.  I don’t think Creator intends for us to Know these things ahead of time for good reason, but to put each foot one in front of the other. This path is all about inner work.  I surrender daily!  I have days where I yell more than I should, because I didn’t get enough sleep.  Mostly I go to sleep and wake when the kid do.

I have days where I used to doubt the fact that I needed to be home teaching our boys, but not anymore. Without a doubt, and beyond the judgement of others, I know this is where I belong.  No one can teach our children better than me.  I have dedicated the last 10 years of my life to becoming the teacher I am.  Bit by bit.

We are 22 weeks into our school year.  Math has started and Norse Myths for 4th are complete!!  We have a couple more entries in the MLB (Main Lesson Book – Portfolio for each subject) to discuss, but otherwise we have heard the stories. Handwork has been woodworking and toolmaking.  Little Wolf has made knives, with wood and metal blades, axes and swords.  Every other Friday he goes with Papa Bear to the wood shop and learns so much.  Papa still works, but Little Wolf goes out with him on calls with clients and hangs around the shop.  It has been the best thing for us all.

Now, we are getting into fractions.  I have enjoyed putting the lessons on the board and Little Wolf is building his confidence up around our beginning work. We are using Key To Fractions, based on a recommendation by some other Waldorf mama’s. I know it will get harder soon, and that will challenge him, but that is a part of it.  We have finally reached a place in our schooling where we can look back and reflect.  Little Wolf can look back at his MLB’s and see how learning is a process. Bit by bit. We must build the foundation for his future, but it is done Now. Each day. Things were difficult in the beginning, because my guy is a choleric and he’s precocious.  He’s mature and immature at the same time.  He is awakened in so many ways compared to his peers, but he is still 10.  It became imperative that I must protect him.  He’s so smart, and acts like he can handle so much, but he needs me to be his sacred container.  His home.  When you parent a child that is choleric (fire-y) you must be like the earth.  I act as his container. I am earth and stone that exists around his fire-y spirit.  I get burned.  It’s hard parenting. But I hold steady and firm.  He knows it too.  No matter what we come up against he knows I love him unconditionally.  Also, the element of water is very helpful to us.  So, baths or swimming time help balance us out.

Little Wolf is coming along with reading.  I had him read his latest book to me yesterday, Robin’s Country by Monica Furlong.  It’s the biggest book he has read. He’s a little slow, but I think the words are big.  And, we have had some learning difficulties early-on that slowed us down.  BUT, that is okay.  Progress is being made, day by day.  Patience happens when opportunity is provided (usually by Creator!!)

Little Fox!  I can’t say how much he has grown.  He is a playful and kind kit.  He loves violin.  He loves going to the shop with Papa.  He’s doing well in school. Great penmanship, patience and a sharp mind.  In fact, he is more in his mind than not.  But, I have worked hard to get him movement and into his body to balance that out.  He reminds me of me in many ways.  Every morning he walks the baby out to feed the French Angora rabbit.  He is SO good with the baby. Both big boys are good with Little Bear.  They feed Ayla Bear, who is now 14 years old, and our Elder dog in case you didn’t know.  Dyna the cat gets fed, then we do this all over again in the evening.  I have been doing this with the boys ever since they were 5 and 3.  Before that Papa bear or I did it on our own for the most part.  We had chickens till last year, but they were consumed by predators.  I hope to get more as soon as my husband can repair the coop.  We need to rebuild the coop yard area and work to make it safer for the chickies.  We had some design flaws to begin with, but it all worked for 5 years.  Nature happens.

Anyway, Little Fox has completed his Language Arts – Saints and Fables.  We are still talking about some of the Saints though, like Michaelmas, which is today!  We had celebration around it, learned verses, wrote in our MLB’s, made recipes, and heard the St. George and the Dragon story. Even though I had told this story before it is amazing how they hear it with new ears each year. Little Fox loved fables, and so did I as a child.  We are now focusing on math, and the four processes.  Both boys did math review during their circle time each day when we were heavily focused on Language Arts, but now Math is our Main Lesson.

Today we did several story problems. I love that we are tackling reading and math at the same time for this.  When Little Fox reviews I have him toss a bean bag with Little Wolf and they say the multiplication table.  Then, Little Fox calls out division flashcards with Little Wolf for review.  They actually love it.  I do intend to check a book out of the library, so that we can find some more math games though.  Games should be a fun way to keep the practice going.  We are not worksheet people around here.  I write and draw a lot on the board and the boys take the notes down in their practice books.  Then, the last day of the week they translate that into their MLB’s.  The lesson there is to take the notes down correctly, so I must check to see they do.  Little Fox is reading pretty well.  I am pleased.  He read all the Bob books, and a pack of Clifford books.  Now we are reading My First Little House books.  Deer in the Woods now, and The County Fair next.  All in right-timing with the season.  We have some Little Bear books and those will come next.  Little Fox is still knitting, and has to finish up a wash cloth for Grandma’s birthday soon.

Modeling beeswax has not been something we have followed through with as much.  At first it was harder to manipulate, but when our body warms the wax cool things can be made.  Both boys created St. George knights and other characters from our stories.  I am tempted to make a batch myself, but we shall see if time allows, or if it is more conducive to buy.  It is definitely expensive.  I have plenty of beeswax if I can make the time though.

We are not doing much painting at the moment.  Earlier in the year we did a block, about 8 weeks, based around medicinal plants.  We enjoyed Herb Fairy stories and then finding the plants out in our environment.  I try to point out the plants in all stages year round if possible.  We have done this with the trees as well.  Dover has great coloring books for trees, medicinal plants, mushrooms, birds, etc.  We have several of them.  In the front or back of the book there are colored examples for each plant/tree/mushroom.  I also belong to plant identification, insect identification, mushroom ID, and Arachnid Facebook groups. I learn so much daily!

Geography teachings are ongoing.  History teachings happen through stories in our Language Arts, but also through our books we read outside of “school,” as well as Geography.  Writing lessons happen within Language Arts, not separately from our stories.  When the boys hear a story they draw, then summarize it in their own words.  This is where we identify nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, punctuation, contractions, compound words and so on.

Form drawing continues and has gotten harder and more complex.  4th grade knot drawings are very cool.  Our most recent forms have been the serpent and crow. 2nd grade forms are running forms at the moment, and Little Fox is improving his skills.  I have proved that Form Drawing has strengthened their brain and eye muscles.  This year at the eye doctor we were informed my oldest is completely recovered from a convergence issue.  The doctor could not tell he had any issues at all. Knitting is another remedy, but Little Wolf has had less patience for knitting.  He loves drawing and other crossing midline activities though! And when given the opportunity he is not ashamed to tell others he can knit.

Waldorf is great because of the depth through which each subject is taught.  This education is very dimensional.  I look online at other curriculums and it all seems so boring.  So flat.  Without spirit.  Without feeling at all really.  Our education is so infused with art that feeds the soul.  I know my boys do not know any other way of learning, but I sure hope they appreciate it.  I know I do.

Lastly, the time came to receive a new puppy.  This is something Papa Bear and I had to meditate on.  For a long while after Kiva died I was going through a process where I just didn’t want any new animals.  I didn’t want the responsibility, or the heartbreak.  Then, one day in August I just felt it was time. Occasionally I would do an internet search.  Finally, I found our potential pup. We knew it would be “right” if she was available, but not for two weeks after we found her. We were going to travel out-of-town and needed the two weeks to prepare. Thankfully, she was held for us.  We had to provide pictures of our home area and living conditions, which I had never had to do before. And, it was an unusual circumstance when we picked her up, but we have slowly found over the last couple weeks that she is indeed a perfect fit for us.  Eva Two Socks.  That’s her name.  She’s black like Ayla, but thinner like Kiva had been.  She just went to the vet today and all is well.  The boys have been very active with her training. We outlined our expectations beforehand.  She is potty trained! She is sweet!  And when we aren’t looking, her and Ayla play.  Ayla is getting her chance as an Alpha after all these years.

Gratitude and Blessings to you and yours this Harvest season!

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I knew I would eventually write this post about the sacred masculine.  How could I not!?  I live with four males.  When my husband and I decided to have children neither one of us really cared what gender we had, just health.  After we had two boys I thought it would be nice to have a girl, but was okay with a boy.  After all we already had the set up and knew how to parent boys.  And so it happened our third boy came.

I meditate often on boys, my boys, yang.  I dream and wonder how it is that I came to be One Who Prepares them.  One Who Holds energy for them.  Growing up we had neighbors, three brothers.  I spent practically everyday I could with them.  In school and including college I mostly had male roommates.  It was just that way.  I had no idea, but I believe I was being prepared to care for a tribe of boys.  Mud slinging, rough housing, loud, energetic, gentle, sweet, caring, quiet boys.

We have been transitioning energetically out of a time known as Solar Masculine, into a time known as Solar Feminine and Lunar Masculine.  Our times are known as the New Earth. Energetically things are balancing out.  Women are finding their voice and standing in their power. Men are becoming more respected for how gentle they are finding power in holding energy.  What I mean is they are coming into a place of peace within themselves.  Preservation not destruction is in their sphere of thoughts.  Creating.

In America we are experiencing devastation to the land and our bodies because of monoculture farming and pesticides. But grass roots are evident and small farms are popping up.  Farmer’s Markets are very trendy and gaining popularity each year.  Men and women are finding themselves abandoning the american dream as we knew it for life in the country, or even urban living with gardens and chickens. Sustainability. We are the change we wish to see as it has been quoted by Ghandi. People who never touched dirt in their life are setting up small plots in their yards and planting seeds, watering and tending and finding a nice little harvest.  Folks are tired of being sick and dealing with outdated institutions that really just want to make money off of us.  Illness care makes money, healthcare does not.

Switching gears I want to talk about Sacred Union.  The inner marriage of duality. Duality is separation.  When those energies marry there is oneness.  Just as two people marry and become one, we have the inner energies uniting.  At the very core of the universe there is no separation, however it is my belief to better understand this concept we must come to earth and then make our way back to Oneness. It is a cycle. A circle.  We leave Oneness to come here, and then we immediately begin to return that that Oneness.  Along the way, during our journey we live within the duality, we struggle, there’s a pulling.  Spirituality is meant to be a Path to achieve balance and mastery.  To ascend.  To be multi-dimensional. To exist in many dimensions at once.  To better understand our nature and our planet, our universe.  Macro and micro.  Compassion.  Tolerance. Consciouness happens in waves and individuals come to earth to assist with these collective conscious awakenings.  Like seeds we are planted all over.  And like seeds, we take root.  It may rain, and we may struggle against the wind, but eventually something grows out of it.

Honor and reverence.  I believe these traits are growing out of our boys.  Honor for women and their personal power and what women can contribute.  I have had to spend a lot of time purifying within this life.  My heart and mind are new. When I married I had no idea what would happen.  I didn’t know how many children I wanted, so we started with one.  I didn’t know anything about homeschool, but we followed our hearts.  I had to fight doubt and learn to Trust. This may sound wierd to many, but it is completely natural to me, I have taken a lot of advice from Grandmother Nichole.  My future self.  The healer and teacher within travels across time and space, becoming multi-dimensional, and Sees what needs to be seen.  Creator comes to me symbolically.  Some people call it synchronicity. Shapeshifting, Creator visits us within the many forms of creation.  Through study, trust and the Unseen we learn wisdom.  We become Wisdom Keepers. Holding space and energy and even time for posterity.

Our tribe has manifested our particular heaven on earth.  It looks like a little cottage in the country.  It looks like our own business where creativity reigns.  A legacy.  Hard foundational work. We are giants and our children will stand on our shoulders.  It’s all grass roots.  There are many ways all of this can be done, and there are plenty of folks out there to help.  Some start with current institutions rebuking them.  Some, like us are starting at ground level and building new structures, new foundations.  I know my boys are builders.  Walkers of this path. I don’t fully know yet what they will do, but the seed is in their hearts. I hope the sacred container (home) in which they are living and learning is nourishing enough and free enough for them to unfold in the way Creator wishes it.  It all starts with family culture.  It took me some time to figure this out.  I love helping my community, so my time is best spent at home with our children and working from the inside out.  It’s how I Serve.

Maybe this made sense, maybe it’s confusing.  Either way I want you to know that it is my sincerest hope and prayer that what we are doing here in our home is reverent.  It is for the community.  My little life is doing something big. I meditate on that often…what am I doing, what am I contributing. Once I go to dust I will live on and on and on, and that makes me eternal.

My prayer here today and always is for all the little boys, all the teenagers, all the young men and all the adult men.  I pray you find peace in your heart.  I pray you are not misguided and distracted from Source.  I pray you unfold according to the seed that was planted in your heart.  I pray that if your home was not warm, that you find that warmth yourself or in new relationships.  I pray for your brokenness as I have prayed for mine.  I pray for our men to heal and stand in their power as reverent.  I pray men understand proper use of power. I pray for the healers and teachers. I pray you honor your women or the women in your lives. I pray for your inner marriage and integration. I pray for Mother Earth. I pray that I really don’t know anything and that God will just take care of it all.

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Maybe it is the moon outside of my bedroom window that’s keeping me awake. Maybe I had too much coffee earlier.  Maybe God had a message for me and needed me half asleep, half awake. Maybe I was inspired by reading links and posts scrolling endlessly on Facebook (it happens!)  But as I laid in bed tonight I felt a change come over me.

I could See myself Broken.  Darkness.  Wounded.  In many ways, over time I have received wounds from various experiences that left me sore, hurt, angry, resentful, sad, stronger, frightened, cynical, doubtful…God was working on me in these times.

I recently took a Facebook break, from May till now.  I felt Creator talking to me. Oneness was asking me to Listen.  Deep listen.  Part of that listening was Shifting. Purification.  Disconnecting – Reconnecting. Emptying. Emptying so much to the point of confusion.  Recently when I came out of my deep listening period I couldn’t figure out what I had gone through, or what I had learned. What had I been doing?  What was I listening for?  I mean surely after months of listening I had to have something profound to say or feel!  Nothing.  I couldn’t say.  I wasn’t sure, at all, because I am not really in control.  I am to a degree in control of my choices, but if I am open enough and vulnerable enough I knew that Creator was really in charge.

Then it happened.  I could See. The light of this very moon illuminated all of me. I was broken.  An empty vessel.  I laid there breathing deeply.  In the vision my body turned over and my arms were stretched wide, and my chest was So Open. My heart was So visible.  All the holes and cracks in my brokeness were there to be seen.  I have prayed to God in the past week or two more in Awareness than I ever have over the entire summer.  I begged God for help.  God was working on me in the deepest of ways.  Slowly Oneness opened itself up to me.  A beautiful gold liquid poured forth from above and began to fill me up.  All the cracks were filled with an essence so rich, so pure.  All the dark places in my life were illuminated so brightly that I could See my Wholeness!  God lives in me.  And God fills me up when I am empty, but then if I am vulnerable enough that essence pours out of me into the lives of those around me.  It is part of my Gifts.  My brokeness and the parts of me that are tender and gold.  I am repaired.  I am forgiven, and I forgive and that is my greatest gift to myself and others.

Can I honor myself.  Can I be vulnerable.  Can I be broken and whole at the same time.  Can I live this life with my chest wide open knowing that life breaks me, that love breaks me and fills me up.  The Oneness knows my strength better than me.  As I fell in love with my husband and as we added each child to our nest God knew.  God knew that love would tear me open and fill me up even more.

I have memories of my childhood.  I have children now.  So much time has passed and so much more will pass before I leave this earth.  I was given the Vision by a healer once that I lived to old age and I was surrounded and loved by many.  My children and grandchildren.  My husband.  Love had torn me open. Brokeness had torn me open.  But I was always filled back up by that pure liquid gold.  That essence that I cannot truly name.  The nameless.

This life is good.  It has been hard and riddled with confusion and doubts, lonliness…heartache so huge.  Loss.  I have had great teachers come my way in many forms.  Nature.  Elders.  Friends. My husband. Our children.  Oh, so so so much our children.  I am surrounded by teachers.  If I take deep breaths I am teachable most days.

You can take my word for it that right now our Maker, whatever form, has something to teach us.  I feel that in the next few days as the Super Moon approaches, it will light up parts of us that have been so dark for so long.  We can choose to look and embrace.  We can choose to see what diamonds have been made by that tightly held fist in the darkness.  The brightness is sometimes so painful that we turn our heads away, but I beg you to look and hold your gaze.

Be open, despite the brokeness, because we may just get filled up and See the Wholeness. The Integration.  I feel so whole right now in this moment, more so than anytime since I was born, a wee babe.  All along I was Whole though, I just couldn’t see it.  I looked for my wholeness in the reflection of other people’s faces and glances.  Mirrors.  My husband has known his Wholeness all along, despite his struggles throughout life.  I know it is why I love him So much.  I have always wished to balance myself and to be as humble as him.  But my game with myself and the world was protection.  Walls.  I went from a little girl to a straight Warrior.  One Who Stands In Her Power, but with walls.  So my life hasn’t always been open, full circle, reciprocal.  Maybe in some cases speaking my truth has been warranted.  Well, I am sure it has.  But it is okay to just Be too, because I am already Whole. I am already and always filled with gold, in all the cracks and brokeness.

No matter what Vision I have for myself, Oneness knows what I most need.  My Ego is actually my ally.  It guides me, as a Contrary.  As a human on this dense plane, earth, we actually need our Egos. Not the Ego of Ego=tistical-ness.  But the I.  I Am.  Being-ness.  Broken down I am nothing and everything.  I am alive and I am dying.  Cyclically.

Right now we are approaching Harvest.  Spiritually it is just as significant as the harvest of my garden.  I planned and dreamed last winter like any farmer would, farmer of the heart, like Rumi says.  In Spring I was planting seeds.  This summer I tended and deep listened. August has been such a time of preparation too. Preparing for harvest.  It is near. And some of us are already seeing the harvest come in.  I see pictures on Facebook of baskets filled up.  I am not even fully sure what all this means, my harvest.  I haven’t held the bounty in my hands long enough.  I haven’t had time to wash things off and taste it.  I’ll try to keep my door open to share with you though.  I’ll try.  It’s part of my promise to Trust, in my brokeness and in my healing and in my Wholeness.

Aho.

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