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Archive for August, 2015

I knew I would eventually write this post about the sacred masculine.  How could I not!?  I live with four males.  When my husband and I decided to have children neither one of us really cared what gender we had, just health.  After we had two boys I thought it would be nice to have a girl, but was okay with a boy.  After all we already had the set up and knew how to parent boys.  And so it happened our third boy came.

I meditate often on boys, my boys, yang.  I dream and wonder how it is that I came to be One Who Prepares them.  One Who Holds energy for them.  Growing up we had neighbors, three brothers.  I spent practically everyday I could with them.  In school and including college I mostly had male roommates.  It was just that way.  I had no idea, but I believe I was being prepared to care for a tribe of boys.  Mud slinging, rough housing, loud, energetic, gentle, sweet, caring, quiet boys.

We have been transitioning energetically out of a time known as Solar Masculine, into a time known as Solar Feminine and Lunar Masculine.  Our times are known as the New Earth. Energetically things are balancing out.  Women are finding their voice and standing in their power. Men are becoming more respected for how gentle they are finding power in holding energy.  What I mean is they are coming into a place of peace within themselves.  Preservation not destruction is in their sphere of thoughts.  Creating.

In America we are experiencing devastation to the land and our bodies because of monoculture farming and pesticides. But grass roots are evident and small farms are popping up.  Farmer’s Markets are very trendy and gaining popularity each year.  Men and women are finding themselves abandoning the american dream as we knew it for life in the country, or even urban living with gardens and chickens. Sustainability. We are the change we wish to see as it has been quoted by Ghandi. People who never touched dirt in their life are setting up small plots in their yards and planting seeds, watering and tending and finding a nice little harvest.  Folks are tired of being sick and dealing with outdated institutions that really just want to make money off of us.  Illness care makes money, healthcare does not.

Switching gears I want to talk about Sacred Union.  The inner marriage of duality. Duality is separation.  When those energies marry there is oneness.  Just as two people marry and become one, we have the inner energies uniting.  At the very core of the universe there is no separation, however it is my belief to better understand this concept we must come to earth and then make our way back to Oneness. It is a cycle. A circle.  We leave Oneness to come here, and then we immediately begin to return that that Oneness.  Along the way, during our journey we live within the duality, we struggle, there’s a pulling.  Spirituality is meant to be a Path to achieve balance and mastery.  To ascend.  To be multi-dimensional. To exist in many dimensions at once.  To better understand our nature and our planet, our universe.  Macro and micro.  Compassion.  Tolerance. Consciouness happens in waves and individuals come to earth to assist with these collective conscious awakenings.  Like seeds we are planted all over.  And like seeds, we take root.  It may rain, and we may struggle against the wind, but eventually something grows out of it.

Honor and reverence.  I believe these traits are growing out of our boys.  Honor for women and their personal power and what women can contribute.  I have had to spend a lot of time purifying within this life.  My heart and mind are new. When I married I had no idea what would happen.  I didn’t know how many children I wanted, so we started with one.  I didn’t know anything about homeschool, but we followed our hearts.  I had to fight doubt and learn to Trust. This may sound wierd to many, but it is completely natural to me, I have taken a lot of advice from Grandmother Nichole.  My future self.  The healer and teacher within travels across time and space, becoming multi-dimensional, and Sees what needs to be seen.  Creator comes to me symbolically.  Some people call it synchronicity. Shapeshifting, Creator visits us within the many forms of creation.  Through study, trust and the Unseen we learn wisdom.  We become Wisdom Keepers. Holding space and energy and even time for posterity.

Our tribe has manifested our particular heaven on earth.  It looks like a little cottage in the country.  It looks like our own business where creativity reigns.  A legacy.  Hard foundational work. We are giants and our children will stand on our shoulders.  It’s all grass roots.  There are many ways all of this can be done, and there are plenty of folks out there to help.  Some start with current institutions rebuking them.  Some, like us are starting at ground level and building new structures, new foundations.  I know my boys are builders.  Walkers of this path. I don’t fully know yet what they will do, but the seed is in their hearts. I hope the sacred container (home) in which they are living and learning is nourishing enough and free enough for them to unfold in the way Creator wishes it.  It all starts with family culture.  It took me some time to figure this out.  I love helping my community, so my time is best spent at home with our children and working from the inside out.  It’s how I Serve.

Maybe this made sense, maybe it’s confusing.  Either way I want you to know that it is my sincerest hope and prayer that what we are doing here in our home is reverent.  It is for the community.  My little life is doing something big. I meditate on that often…what am I doing, what am I contributing. Once I go to dust I will live on and on and on, and that makes me eternal.

My prayer here today and always is for all the little boys, all the teenagers, all the young men and all the adult men.  I pray you find peace in your heart.  I pray you are not misguided and distracted from Source.  I pray you unfold according to the seed that was planted in your heart.  I pray that if your home was not warm, that you find that warmth yourself or in new relationships.  I pray for your brokenness as I have prayed for mine.  I pray for our men to heal and stand in their power as reverent.  I pray men understand proper use of power. I pray for the healers and teachers. I pray you honor your women or the women in your lives. I pray for your inner marriage and integration. I pray for Mother Earth. I pray that I really don’t know anything and that God will just take care of it all.

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Maybe it is the moon outside of my bedroom window that’s keeping me awake. Maybe I had too much coffee earlier.  Maybe God had a message for me and needed me half asleep, half awake. Maybe I was inspired by reading links and posts scrolling endlessly on Facebook (it happens!)  But as I laid in bed tonight I felt a change come over me.

I could See myself Broken.  Darkness.  Wounded.  In many ways, over time I have received wounds from various experiences that left me sore, hurt, angry, resentful, sad, stronger, frightened, cynical, doubtful…God was working on me in these times.

I recently took a Facebook break, from May till now.  I felt Creator talking to me. Oneness was asking me to Listen.  Deep listen.  Part of that listening was Shifting. Purification.  Disconnecting – Reconnecting. Emptying. Emptying so much to the point of confusion.  Recently when I came out of my deep listening period I couldn’t figure out what I had gone through, or what I had learned. What had I been doing?  What was I listening for?  I mean surely after months of listening I had to have something profound to say or feel!  Nothing.  I couldn’t say.  I wasn’t sure, at all, because I am not really in control.  I am to a degree in control of my choices, but if I am open enough and vulnerable enough I knew that Creator was really in charge.

Then it happened.  I could See. The light of this very moon illuminated all of me. I was broken.  An empty vessel.  I laid there breathing deeply.  In the vision my body turned over and my arms were stretched wide, and my chest was So Open. My heart was So visible.  All the holes and cracks in my brokeness were there to be seen.  I have prayed to God in the past week or two more in Awareness than I ever have over the entire summer.  I begged God for help.  God was working on me in the deepest of ways.  Slowly Oneness opened itself up to me.  A beautiful gold liquid poured forth from above and began to fill me up.  All the cracks were filled with an essence so rich, so pure.  All the dark places in my life were illuminated so brightly that I could See my Wholeness!  God lives in me.  And God fills me up when I am empty, but then if I am vulnerable enough that essence pours out of me into the lives of those around me.  It is part of my Gifts.  My brokeness and the parts of me that are tender and gold.  I am repaired.  I am forgiven, and I forgive and that is my greatest gift to myself and others.

Can I honor myself.  Can I be vulnerable.  Can I be broken and whole at the same time.  Can I live this life with my chest wide open knowing that life breaks me, that love breaks me and fills me up.  The Oneness knows my strength better than me.  As I fell in love with my husband and as we added each child to our nest God knew.  God knew that love would tear me open and fill me up even more.

I have memories of my childhood.  I have children now.  So much time has passed and so much more will pass before I leave this earth.  I was given the Vision by a healer once that I lived to old age and I was surrounded and loved by many.  My children and grandchildren.  My husband.  Love had torn me open. Brokeness had torn me open.  But I was always filled back up by that pure liquid gold.  That essence that I cannot truly name.  The nameless.

This life is good.  It has been hard and riddled with confusion and doubts, lonliness…heartache so huge.  Loss.  I have had great teachers come my way in many forms.  Nature.  Elders.  Friends. My husband. Our children.  Oh, so so so much our children.  I am surrounded by teachers.  If I take deep breaths I am teachable most days.

You can take my word for it that right now our Maker, whatever form, has something to teach us.  I feel that in the next few days as the Super Moon approaches, it will light up parts of us that have been so dark for so long.  We can choose to look and embrace.  We can choose to see what diamonds have been made by that tightly held fist in the darkness.  The brightness is sometimes so painful that we turn our heads away, but I beg you to look and hold your gaze.

Be open, despite the brokeness, because we may just get filled up and See the Wholeness. The Integration.  I feel so whole right now in this moment, more so than anytime since I was born, a wee babe.  All along I was Whole though, I just couldn’t see it.  I looked for my wholeness in the reflection of other people’s faces and glances.  Mirrors.  My husband has known his Wholeness all along, despite his struggles throughout life.  I know it is why I love him So much.  I have always wished to balance myself and to be as humble as him.  But my game with myself and the world was protection.  Walls.  I went from a little girl to a straight Warrior.  One Who Stands In Her Power, but with walls.  So my life hasn’t always been open, full circle, reciprocal.  Maybe in some cases speaking my truth has been warranted.  Well, I am sure it has.  But it is okay to just Be too, because I am already Whole. I am already and always filled with gold, in all the cracks and brokeness.

No matter what Vision I have for myself, Oneness knows what I most need.  My Ego is actually my ally.  It guides me, as a Contrary.  As a human on this dense plane, earth, we actually need our Egos. Not the Ego of Ego=tistical-ness.  But the I.  I Am.  Being-ness.  Broken down I am nothing and everything.  I am alive and I am dying.  Cyclically.

Right now we are approaching Harvest.  Spiritually it is just as significant as the harvest of my garden.  I planned and dreamed last winter like any farmer would, farmer of the heart, like Rumi says.  In Spring I was planting seeds.  This summer I tended and deep listened. August has been such a time of preparation too. Preparing for harvest.  It is near. And some of us are already seeing the harvest come in.  I see pictures on Facebook of baskets filled up.  I am not even fully sure what all this means, my harvest.  I haven’t held the bounty in my hands long enough.  I haven’t had time to wash things off and taste it.  I’ll try to keep my door open to share with you though.  I’ll try.  It’s part of my promise to Trust, in my brokeness and in my healing and in my Wholeness.

Aho.

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It has been a while since I have written a blog post, as it happens.  I wondered if I would ever write again!  With a new baby, well he’s almost 2, and with two big boys in all kinds of activities, the time just flies by.  Not long after I wrote my last post I also took a Facebook break till just a few days ago.  So all summer things were a bit quieter, focused, hot, full of movement and stillness all at the same time, and full of listening, deep spiritual listening.

The spiritual mundane had us waking, getting our chores done and schooling. Norse Myths for 4th grade, and Saints/Fables for 2nd.  We did tons of math review from last year in Circle time, helping the boys get a more solid foundation before we set forth diving deeper into the four processes for 2nd, and fractions and long division in 4th.  Grammar has strengthened as we summarize our stories, so I am pretty happy about that as a mama-teacher. Currently, we are on a two week break. I need to recalibrate.  Process.  Digest.  Breathe.  Plan.

Most of the summer we went to the pool at least once a week and also had swim lessons, where my middle child, very cautious, has made a leap forward finally. He’s always been cautious and it was important for me to gain his trust and not just toss him in the pool.  That technique works for some people, but not for us. Little Wolf has also been improving his swimming skills with side stroke, and backstroke and is quickly becoming Big Wolf, but he teeters between a young kid and a teen.  So we try to support his growth while he’s in-between.  Even though he is showing his autonomy, he still needs us to stay strong for him, to hold boundaries and to give him lots of hugs.  Swimming has been wonderful medicine. Water allows our bodies to relax and stretch.  Papa meets us there after work and shows us how much of an otter he Really is, which is good bonding with the boys. We will continue to go to the pool once a week through the rest of our school cycle, which is around 52 weeks, ending and beginning around Vernal Equinox and Easter.  We school year round with proper breaks.

Little Fox, my middle guy started violin in February and has had two recitals already.  So not only is he growing himself in the pool, but he is also learning a stringed instrument, which delights me.  And he has been learning to read fluently, so mama is quite proud.  We’ve all really grown this year.

Little Baby Bear has been running and playing with his big brothers and we have started him on a daily rhythm.  He wakes and has his breakfast, plays and then Little Fox walks him to feed the rabbit.  I love how he carries the basket with hay and sunflower seeds and any leftover food from the house that is appropriate to gift our French Angora rabbit.  After all that, we have snacks and Little Bear plays or nurses while I teach the big boys.  Then, we all have lunch and take an afternoon break.  Little Bear has usually worn himself out and begs to nap, which is when I try to rest as well.  He has his four canine teeth coming in right now, so he has been worn out by 10 or 11am for the last week or two.  Little Bear has his amber necklace and we’ve used the homepathic teething gel a few times to help him out. I like to give him foods like apples to eat on, which probably helps massage his erupting gums.

Our family business has been busy and we have basically kept our heads down, so to speak to work-work-work.  It was not an easy move to the new location last fall, but we made it happen.  Since then we have been catching up and getting even. Now we are building forth on a strong foundation.  Papa Bear is going to have a piece in a show in October, so we are spending extra nights each week preparing for that to happen.  Currently, he is trying to be open for the 4th Friday Art Hop series.

We went to Anna Maria Island in May with my dad and had such a great time. The boys went to a music camp for a few days this summer as well , so Little Bear and I got to go on some field trips alone.  Also, we went up north to visit Papa Bear’s mama, and his sister flew in from Germany, so all the cousins had a blast playing in the water and mud.  Mighty fine it was and very precious memories I will have of this summer.

I will leave you with a few pictures and will hopefully get in the swing of writing again.  I miss it.

 

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